Rethink Major Depression

Rethink the behaviors that adversely affect your life, although you may or may not be aware of their roles in triggering the symptoms of your mental depression in the first place.

First of all, recognize that you have behavioral problems - whether these problems are the causes or the effects of your illness is as controversial as the case of the chicken and the egg. Medications, supplements, diet, and exercise are merely tools for depression management. Correcting your behavioral problems goes a long way in preventing depression, instead of constantly placing yourself in crisis-control mode.

Monitoring your behaviors helps you monitor your personal triggers that lead to depressive episodes.

Emotional instability

Your behaviors reflect your emotions and their expression. A depressed individual is often at the mercy of their emotions: they cannot control their emotions, no more than they can restrain their expression, which has a direct or indirect impact on the illness.

Anger, a common behavioral problem of individuals suffering from depression, is conducive to creating inadvertently difficult and stressful situations for themselves, and thus precipitating depressive episodes. Repeating the behaviors only perpetuate their recurrence.

What causes anger?

Judging others

You may be judging the behavior of others: your judgment is based on a set of rules about how peope should or should not act in a certain way.

When they do not act according to your rules, you become angry.

Remember:

·   People you are angry with rarely agree with you (asking for the impossible)

·   People rarely do what they should do (why bother?)

If you demand people do according to your rules, you are ignoring reality, which is often a recipe for depression

Remember:

·   People, too, have their own set of rules (you are not alone) that may not comply with yours.

·   People have their own rules, and they are realities to them.

For example, a driver who cuts in front of you only sees the need to get to his or her destination on time, regardless of your safety. You have your reality, and so does the driver. So what is the use of being angry?

Demanding your needs

You want something, and you think you should have it; and not getting it, you become angry. Your demand is based on

·   expectation
·   entitlement

For example, you expect your adult son or daughter to call you; you think you are entitled to it after spending years of bringing up.

Rethink your need justifying the demand.

If you let your need justify the demand, you will find it difficult to take a “NO.” Your imaginary need and your pain of not meeting your need must come first, and the function of any relationship is to serve you. This fallacy in demanding your need not only damages a relationship but also causes deep anger within yourself. This emotional need may be one of your underlying depression triggers.

Rethink your emotional need.

Rethink relationship functioning to serve your need.

Changing others’ behaviors

It is a myth that you can change others’ behavior through coercion, intimidation, and threats, manifested in abusive language or anger.

Remember, people change only when they want to change, not when you want them to change. They change only when they see the need; you cannot make them see the need.

Rethink becoming angry over others’ reluctance to change into the way you want them to change.

Manipulating others

Manipulating others to meet you emotional needs often backfires. It is making others feel bad in order to make yourself feel good by meeting your own emotional needs. Instead of controlling others, you may find yourself being controlled, that is, at the mercy of others who have the power to make you unhappy by not meeting your emotional needs.

“If you loved me, you would . . . . .”
“If you really cared, you wouldn’t . . . . .”
“If you were a real friend, you could . . . . .”

These are all conditional assumptions aimed at manipulating others. Unfortunately, you rarely get what you want, except making yourself angry and alienating yourself from others.

Remember, no matter how much a person may love or care about you, that person has to take care of his or her own needs first. This is the reality and this has nothing to do with uncaring or unloving.

Rethink using manipulating strategies to meet your emotional needs.

Punishing others

If someone hurts you, punish that person verbally or using other means. Essentially, you are seeking revenge for perceived infliction of pain to you. You erroneously believe that punishing someone will make that person treat you better in future, or at least teaching him or her a good lesson.

Rethink the "getting-even" syndrome.

But YOU are responsible for your hurt and pain. Remember, it is your experience, and nobody is responsible for how you feel, except yourself. You are responsible for your own experience, be it joyful or hurtful. Blaming others is merely shifting such responsibility to others. Blaming is punishing others for how you feel about yourself.

Rethink playing the blaming game - you will be the ultimate loser.

It is fallacy to believe that you can use your anger to control others’ future actions, thereby instrumental in controlling your own future experience of joy and pain.

Rethink the crippling capability of anger on any relationship.

Mind reading

Learn not to read into someone’s mind or put meaning into someone’s words.
In other words, do not interpret what someone has said or done to you.

A depressive mind has the tendency not only to think but also to believe that someone has deliberately hurt you. Such belief triggers your anger and creates the indelible pain that may haunt you for the rest of your life.

Rethink others’ intentions in hurting you.

Exaggerating depression-trigger thoughts

You sometimes magnify your depression-trigger thoughts by making things seem worse than what they actually are. Through exaggeration, you feel your anger is justified because you have come to believe that you have been grossly and unfairly wronged.

Rethink your exaggeration - it may trigger your depression.

Anger is a common emotional experience in a depressed individual. It is also a common depression trigger. You feel depressed: you may be angry with yourself for who you are, what you are; you may direct your towards others for causing you the pain as a result of your experience. But anger is a devastating emotion that not only drains you of your physical and mental energy, but also perpetuates the illness.

Managing Anger is a CD that teaches you innovative techniques to master and manage your anger.

Spending behavioral problems

Depression is the main source of money and spending issues.

One of the symptoms of bipolar depression is excessive and uncontrollable spending, especially during manic episodes.

Admit that this is a real problem (it is the illness, not the personality problem), and learn to deal with it by controlling the manic episodes. Accept that mania is going to affect your life financially. Denying the money and spending issues will only make matters worse. Aim at preventing the mania at all cost.

Life ahead of you is forever changing, simply because you are living in a forever-changing world. To be capable of adapting and adjusting to these financial changes is crucial to your mental health.
A positive personal finance may give you more options when these vicissitudes occur, and salvage you from undue financial stress, which may trigger your depression.

Money is a BIG stress-factor in life. You need secure financial health to live, to retire, and to survive. Just think of all those medical bills, services and assistance you may need down the road.

Free Money For Seniors provides information on how and where to get the free money readily available to seniors, from grants, home improvement, crafts, travel, to almost anything. The government does not advertise it, but the money is there. Go and grab what is rightfully yours, and enhance your financial health!

·   Don’t ever fall into the trap of Buy-Now-and-Pay-Later, which may be FOREVER!

·   Don’t ever run up your credit card debt. Consumer debt is the Number One financial stress factor.

·   Don’t buy what you don’t need with the money you don’t have.

If you don’t have the discipline to control your spending (in the case of mania), use a debit card instead, or a prepaid credit card.

What if you are already heavily in debt right now?

Credit-card counseling services may not help you. Do you really think many of those so called "non-profit" organizations are out there to help you get out of your debt? Think again!

Debt Free In Three reveals that everything you know about debt-free is WRONG! Don’t believe those non-profit organizations’ claim to help you debt-free. No, they won’t! Debt-Free in Three is a unique system based on simple math not only to make you 100 percent debt-free but also to improve your credit within 90 days or less. In addition, you will be provided with the innovative Debt Knife software to help you organize your debt in a certain order to be paid off most effectively. If you want to be debt-free for the rest of your life, go by this system.

Addiction behaviors

Addiction may come in many forms: alcohol addiction, food addiction, gambling addiction, and the Internet addiction.

Labeling does not help you determine if you have such behavioral problems. Only you yourself can tell if your behavior is a problem or not.

·   That behavior gives you pleasure or changes your mood (e.g. alcohol, a food, gambling).

·   That behavior interferes with your life (e.g. spending all or most of your time on the Internet while neglecting your daily duties).

·   You feel the compulsion or obsession to repeat the behavior, and you may even get agitated or irritated if somebody attempts to stop that behavior.

Forming the addictive patterns

Addiction is repetition of any negative behavior that an individual either has become unaware of or has developed tolerance from within.

If you cannot stop doing something that is not good for you, and others have noticed it before you do, that is already addiction.

You can be addicted to just about anything and everything.

Addictive behaviors affect your neurochemicals, making you feel “good.” Once an addictive cycle is formed, your choice is replaced by a less voluntary and more compulsive pattern of behaviors.

In the case of the Internet addiction, you may feel “knowledgeable” and “connected to the rest of the world.” It is this feeling of high that sets the groundwork for the beginning of the addictive cycle.

Your addiction has nothing to do with your personality. Addictions research suggests that your addiction may come from heredity, diet, health, and stress, among others.

Breaking the addictive cycle

You learn your addictive behaviors. To break your addictive cycle, you must unlearn those behaviors.

Remember, each time you repeat your addictive behavior it becomes strengthened. However, if you replace that addictive behavior with another behavior, the addictive behavior becomes weakened. Therefore, breaking your addictive cycle has to be structured, requiring much persistence.

Motivated to break the addictive cycle

You must be motivated to want to break the addictive cycle. Motivation is the key to success. You must see the need to break the addictive cycle. If you are addicted to sugar, you must see why sugar is bad for your health.

You must be positive about wanting to break the addictive cycle. Write down a list of reasons for breaking the addictive behavior. Without it, you will fail.

Becoming aware of the addictive behavior

You must become aware of your addictive behavior in order to stop it. You must know what triggers that addictive behavior, how and when that behavior occurs

Developing strategies to break the addictive cycle

·   You must repeatedly remind yourself of the need to break the addictive behavior.

·   You must notice the signs of the addictive behavior before it starts. Stop the behavior immediately, if need be.

·   Seek the support of others.

·   Reward yourself for overcoming the addictive behavior.

Replacing the addictive behavior with another positive behavior

If it is the Internet addiction, replace it with watching the DVD. If it is sugar addiction, replace the dessert with some other healthful food.

If the addictive behavior is due to anxiety, resolve the anxious feelings.

Being consistent and persistent

A habit is easy to form but difficult to break. But it can be done with consistency and persistency. Be mindful of your progress.

Learning to deal with lapses

Remember, addictive behaviors are automatic - just as some people make a bee line for the refrigerator immediately when they enter their homes. As such, addictive behaviors can recur. Do not despair, and do not be too hard on yourself. You are not back to square one. See your failure as a lapse, not a relapse.

If you have a problem with alcohol or drug addiction, Addiction Free Forever provides everything you need to know to overcome your alcohol and drug addictive behaviors.

If you are addicted to the Internet pornography, End Porn Addiction may help you overcome your behavioral problems.

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

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